I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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