anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
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