Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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