Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Randomize
