My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
