I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
