I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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