nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
