then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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