im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
