watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
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