I can text with my tongue
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Boobs speak an international language.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
