I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
He did a backflip because drugs
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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