I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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