I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Randomize
