It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
