my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
