Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I cannot find my penis.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
