The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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