all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
