was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Randomize
