:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Randomize
