member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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