Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself

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(619): View more from California

Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night

(323): View more from California

How mad was your dog?

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(541): View more from Oregon

I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore

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(219): View more from Indiana

I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry

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(518): View more from New York

plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.

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(856): View more from New Jersey

It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...

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(773): View more from Illinois

Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance

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(404): View more from Georgia

Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!

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(845): View more from New York

Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?

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