So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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