and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Randomize
