I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
