his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Randomize
