a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
