what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
