Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
