chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
