big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
