Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
