I wish you could order shots online.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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