Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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