considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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