$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Randomize
