I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
