Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
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