Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
