sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
