after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
