every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
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