just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
