i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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