Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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