can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
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