I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
