Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
